Coming up on 37
Hi, hi, hi. This is my first blog post. Don’t expect too much. Don’t worry, I have a whole slew of patchwork outlines and half-assed entries that I’ll be mending together in the coming days and months. For now, I just wanna get this thing started!
Since my bio doesn’t quite accomplish all that bios are meant to do (blog fail #1 just realized), I figured I’d share a bit more about myself and this blog in general.
First is my polished, professional profile: A WVU grad and All-American gymnast. Currently serving as the director of marketing for national job site, Job.com. Previously worked as special events manager at Trump Marina Hotel Casino in Atlantic City. Strengths include lead-generation, business development, copywriting and event planning.
That’s me on paper.
Internally, well, there’s a different story going on in there. I’m insecure. Since becoming a mother I’ve totally lost my sense of self along with the ambition and drive I once had before children. I feel like a failure. I spend many days talking myself up and talking myself out of scrolling through Facebook and Linkedin to avoid additional self-beratement.
But that’s not to say I’m ungrateful. By all means, I know how good I have it and how I’m too “blessed to be stressed.” Unfortunately, I’m weighing myself down by the pressures society places on us working Moms to be everything to everyone. I’m also accustomed to getting what I want. In high school I wanted a scholarship to a D1 university for gymnastics and I got it. In college I wanted a journalism degree and I got it. After college, I wanted to put said degree to use and find a fun and rewarding job related to my field. It took some time but I got that too. I wanted to be married at 27, start having kids by 30, and be in a nicer neighborhood before my son turned one. Check, check and check.
Here’s the thing: my plans only went as far out as my mid-30s. Here I am coming up on the ripe old age of 37 and I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing next. I like to describe myself as a wannabe formerly a has been. If there’s such thing as a third life crisis, I’m going through it. If only I knew what I wanted to be…
I can say after reading many a career-related, self-improvement articles that in order to find direction, I need to identify who I am and what I’m good at. I like to think that my creativity is one of my greatest assets. So here I am, writing this blog, hoping to find direction and purpose for the future phases of my life.
Then again, I’m a typical cancerian which means I’m not particularly fond of opening up about my personal life. Even just getting to this point is a feat in and of itself. However, as one who is ruled by the moon I am an emotional being. Rather than retract in to my safe refuge of my shell, I’m choosing to wear my heart on my sleeve. Air things out if you will.
While the name of my blog suggests that the topics I cover will be all sunshine and roses, please do not be deceived. I have a tendency to be brutally honest in the outside world and I intend to do the same here. Things may get ugly at times but without darkness there is no light. I’m in pursuit for emotional freedom. But we’re all on our own paths to find happiness, right? So why not go on this journey together and do all we can to make the most out of this strange, messy, sometimes screwed up, but oftentimes brilliant and beautiful life of ours. We only get one. Let’s go
…Mountaineers! (sorry just had to)