‘Cause I’m Living in a Digital World and I am a Xennial Girl – Part 2

Dear Facebook,

I want my life back,

Because I’m feining for you as if I’m on crack.

I try to break away and be free,

But my phone keeps on haunting me.

These days the social net is just too much,

All the pity parties, ranters, MLM schemes and such.

I got a job to do, I got kids to raise,

Scrolling my feed’s not the way I should be wasting my days.

Updating profile pics, tracking number of likes,

“100 peeps thumbed up my kid riding her bike!”

“Did you see what she said?”

“You hear so and so’s dead?”

I swear to God I’m f*$%ing going right outta my HEAD!!

Dear Facebook,

help me out,

A digital life is not what I’m about.

I wanna hold on tight to the past,

’cause technology’s been creepin’ on me way too fast.


I channeled my inner 2Pac to whip that little diddy up. As an Xennial I was an 80s child and 90s teen. The east coast-west coast hip hop rivalry was a big deal during my high school years. The 90s was also a time when the grunge of Nirvana and punk of Green Day graced the radio waves, while new friendships slowly stripped away my innocence.

Ironically it was a simpler world for a much more complicated time in my life. The pressures of high school were intense enough without the use of smart phones. Back then you were considered loaded if you were lucky enough to have a portable phone the size of your shoe.

Somehow my Dad scored one right around the time I got my license. It was for emergency use only. Like the time I ran out of gas on the way home from practice. Unfortunately it would only work when plugged in to the lighter of a running car which at that point was moot. I resorted to ringing the doorbell of some nearby home. To my luck I was only interrupting a lovely dinner party opposed to some  séance of cannibalistic devil worshipers.

Man, those were the days.

Circling back, I’m realizing that adulthood isn’t all that different. Sure, I’ve evolved as an individual. The experiences had and lessons learned have certainly made me wiser. Though, there is still a constant flux of external influences shaping my life in some way or form. In the grand scheme of things, social media is a small example.

Fortunately, external influences are exactly what have kept me focused recently. My lack of Facebook usage has freed up some time for me to put energy in to those relationships that matter most to me.

Turns out I prefer people in real life vs. online. For those who are unaware, we all have our own unique online personas. We digital professionals call it a personal brand. It’s the image you put off, or attempt to put off to the rest of your online community.

And of course, our digital society doesn’t discriminate from building stereotypes off of these online personas.  In this case, I may be deemed the “digital society.” There’s:

The Over-sharer – The one who uses their page to chronicle every damn minute of their life.

The Blingmaster – Frequently sharing pics of their expensive and shiny objects as a form of distraction.

Ambiguous Amy/Adam – These individuals create text based posts that leave the reader perplexed.

I’m sorry, if you’re going to ask me to “send prayers” I’m gonna need to know what I’m praying for and whether I should be legitamately concerned.  Like, are you going in for open heart surgery or do you just need your dog to pass that ring he swallowed?  And to the one who states “some people just don’t get it!” May I ask just “what” it is they don’t get?

The Thirsty Type – We all seek praise but these guys take it up a few notches.

The Happy Couple – Your wedded duos who share a page, referring to themselves in the first person.

The Passionate Pundent – You know, the ones who are relentless when it comes to a specific subject, typically politics. I’ll have you know that people who are passionate about politics have better sex. Consider THAT the next time you come across a shared FOX NEWS interview.

The Rando – You rarely see any sign of them yet they’ll randomly engage with some post you made 3 months ago.

And last but not least:

The Silent Hater – This is the digital version of a frenemie. The ones who frequent the platform, posting pics and status updates as well as liking and commenting on everyone else’s stuff but yours.

And yes, I realize that’s super shallow and immature of me to say. But let me tell you something. Actions speak louder than words but silence can sometimes scream.

While I love each and everyone (and I know I’m missing some) of my digital friends, there comes a point in an Xennials life when you just gotta step away from the phone.

So I’ll be setting some boundaries for myself and my family.  I’m looking at you Travis Reed. Because my sanity needs it and my chances of holding on to every last friend and family member needs it.

Want to drink the Kool-Aid with me? I guess commenting on my FB post would be kinda counter-productive.  But it wouldn’t hurt to pledge your commitment as a jumping off point.

kool-aid man bursting through wall

Happy Detoxing!



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